Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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