I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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