They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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