she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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