as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
