I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
