yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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