ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
