I have demons in me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
