He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
