they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
