In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
