Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize