okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
