Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
