Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
