Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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