I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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