32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
