let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
