He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
