If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize