I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
