Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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