just come out here and I will go home with you...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
