dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
