Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
