What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
