i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
