I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
