sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found the puke drawer
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize