I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
