we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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