He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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