i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
