It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
