Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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