Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
