party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
