That's intense
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
