if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
