dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
