It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
