12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
