My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
