Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
