I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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