walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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