I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
