It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
