I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize