she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
