ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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