You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
