Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
