Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

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(956): View more from Texas

around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...

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(512): View more from Texas

in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

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(248): View more from Michigan

So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in

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(847): View more from Illinois

Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.

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(805): View more from California

Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next

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(352): View more from Florida

How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?

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