Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
