I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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