it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
