And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
