Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
