Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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