that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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