I want to make a zoo with you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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