so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
false alarm. still invincible.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
