Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And then he peed in my hair
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