I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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