i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
